Crypto wakes up, Uncle Sam Eyes BTC Rebound and Tesla rockets.

Crypto’s digging in its heels—Bitcoin’s steady at $87,100, flat today, while Ethereum’s off 1% to $2,070 and Solana holds $142. Gains are sticking as tariff worries fade, and whispers say the U.S. might flip Biden’s BTC sales—buyback’s on the table. Oklahoma’s House just greenlit a BTC reserve act—stacking season’s official. WLFI’s dropped a stablecoin on ETH and BNB Chain, Kraken’s eyeing $1B in debt financing, and Mt. Gox shifted another $1B in BTC—old ghosts still rattle.

BTC ETFs nabbed $84M, ETH ETFs broke even, and crypto’s glued to tech stocks—correlation’s sky-high. Stablecoin supply on ETH hit a record $132B, Worldcoin’s chatting with Visa for a payment wallet, and tokenized RWAs crossed $10B in TVL—real world’s going onchain. Half of U.S. advisors are set to jump into Crypto ETFs, Abu Dhabi’s ADGM linked up with Chainlink, and USDC’s the first stablecoin cleared in Japan. CRO’s up 10% on a Trump Media ETF deal, BERA’s up 10% with Proof of Liquidity live, but Binance banned MOVE’s market maker—someone’s salty.

Big Boys and Big Money…

The big board’s got some bounce—NASDAQ’s up 2% to 18,200, gold’s flat at $3,030. Trump’s pushing sector tariffs past April 2—postponed, not dead—and Tesla’s leading the charge, up 12% for its biggest day since election night. S&P 500’s back over its 200-day MA, but May Fed rate cut odds crashed below 10%—stagflation’s the word buzzing the press, most in a year.

Foreign cash is fleeing U.S. stocks at the third-fastest clip ever, and CTAs are shorting oil like it’s 2014. A journalist’s joined Yemen strike talks, Hegseth and Waltz are sweating a leak, and the U.S. sealed a rare earths deal with Ukraine—geopolitics meets metals. India’s eyeing a $23B tariff cut on U.S. goods, DOGE’s team is dodging daily death threats (Elon’s pissed), and the U.S. is prosecuting fraud DOGE uncovered—FBI’s even got a Tesla attack task force. Israel’s plotting a Gaza troop return— jeez, the world is a chessboard.

Chad-Fi

Degen land’s a hot mess—PARTI, KET, and GIGA are the coins to watch, while Punks, Azuki, Memes by 6529, and RG Bytes top NFT heat. PumpSwap’s raking $1M in fees in a day, flipping Raydium—SOL’s wild west is thriving.

Punks are king, with 10 sold in 30 minutes, Polymarket’s taking SOL deposits, and the Dogecoin Foundation’s set up a DOGE reserve—meme lords are flexing. Binance suspended staff for insider trading on UUU—caught with their hands in the jar. MINT’s airdrop kicked off its token, and Walrus mainnet’s going live on SUI this week—

Left curve’s where the action’s at folks. Watch your back out there.