Crypto Cries as Trump's Macro Meme means Stocks Face Chaos.

TL;DR

Crypto dives—BTC goes as low as $74K, ETH under 2017 peak, $1.36B liquidated—Trump’s meme reserve and weak dollar play rattle all. NASDAQ crashes 6%, global stocks panic, China eyes Yuan drop—degens cling to FARTCOIN and SPX amid the wreckage.

We’ve got the scoop—crypto’s tanking, Trump’s meme-ing, stocks are screaming—but the U.S. market can flip any minute as those Wall Street degenerates could fuck it all up. One glitch, and BTC’s in the toilet, tariffs explode, and Fink’s crying into his coffee—blame the bell, not us, fam!

Crypto News

Crypto’s taken a brutal hit today—Bitcoin plunged to $74,000 before clawing back to $81,000, that’s got folks asking: recovery or bearish fakeout? Ethereum’s cratered to $1,420, dipping below its 2017 peak of $1,900 for the first time since December 2022, while ETH/BTC hit its lowest since March 2020—altcoin supremacy’s a distant memory.

Solana’s nowhere in sight, but BTC ETFs shed $65M and ETH ETFs scraped $2M—cash is skittish. A whopping $1.36B got liquidated across crypto, and BTC’s flashing a death cross—sustained bear vibes are looming. Yet Hayes is unfazed, bragging he’s “buying BTC all day”—the man’s got ice in his veins.

Indicators hint this could be the end of the four-year cycle—whale accumulation’s up, but a $106M ETH position got smoked on Maker, and a Hyperliquid whale’s doubling down on ETH longs—gutsy or nuts? BTC hashrate smashed 1 Zetahash, a historic flex, while Justin Sun’s calling the First Digital scandal worse than FTX—400K FTX creditors might miss $2.5B payouts in the mess. Tether’s cooking an SEC-friendly stablecoin, Grayscale’s filed an S-1 for a SOL ETF, Circle’s delaying its IPO, and Binance teamed up with Worldpay—crypto’s scrambling to pivot.

Trump’s pushing meme culture and ponzonomics front and center—his strategic reserve play might lean on BTC to prop a weaker dollar while other nations ditch Treasuries. Boomers and normies better strap in for volatility crypto’s seasoned pros yawn at—or will sanity kick back in? Time’s ticking.

Macro Trad-Fi

The macro scene’s a bloodbath—NASDAQ’s down 6% to 15,600, gold’s flat at $3,049 as stocks crater globally. China’s stocks tanked 14%, several markets hit circuit breakers, and stock futures crashed again before Monday’s open—NASDAQ and S&P 500 are staring down a bear market. This week’s loaded: FOMC minutes, CPI, PPI, and bank earnings could tip the scales. China’s mulling frontloaded stimulus and a 15-20% Yuan devaluation, requesting WTO talks over U.S. tariffs—50 countries are knocking on Trump’s door to negotiate. Japan’s PM wants a U.S. visit to haggle, French banks halted at open, and Trump’s claiming Europe owes reparations—trade war’s a live wire. Recession odds jumped to 67%, JP Morgan’s at 60% for 2024, and rate futures are pricing a 50bps cut by June—five cuts slated for 2025. Trump’s yelling it’s “perfect” to slash rates, Ackman’s slamming his policies, but retail’s buying at decade highs—Trump might axe cap gains tax in 2025 but who the hell has any gains anyways? He’s also just signed an EO giving TikTok 75 more days. Chaos is king—hold tight.

Chad-Fi

Degen land’s a mixed bag—FARTCOIN’s at $480M, up 10%, and SPX’s at $460M, up 15%, bucking the plunge to lead ETH memes—resilient little bastards. Hot NFTs like Seeing Signs and Quills Adventure are flickering, while McGregor’s REAL token holders scored a full refund—rare W. PumpFun’s live streaming is back for 5% of users, and a ZK Casino scammer got liquidated on longs—sweet justice. The left curve’s scrappy—bags are holding, even as the big boys bleed.